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Wednesday, October 28, 2020

Tickling The Funny Bone

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A woman goes to a vet with a pig, that appeared to be sleeping peacefully but was actually dead. She asked him to examine the pig.” Your pig is dead,” said the vet after the examination. ” No, he is in a coma. Why don’t you run tests on him”?
The vet brings his dog, which slowly sniffs the pig from the top to bottom. Then it looks at the woman with sad eyes & leaves. The vet then brings a cat, who stares at the pig for 5 minutes, meows loudly and exits.
The vet said, “Finally, I can say with certainty that your pig is dead.” He handed her a bill of 400 dollars. On seeing the bill, the lady said, “400 dollars for just pronouncing him dead?”

The vet replied, “40 dollars is my fee, the rest is for the body and cat scan.”


An Australian, a German and a Kiwi were working on a high-rise building site. At lunch, they sat together & opened their lunch boxes. Opening his box, the Australian said, “If I get hamburgers again tomorrow, I will jump off this building.” The German said, “If I get eintopf and pickle tomorrow also, I too will jump off.” The Kiwi said, ” If I get fish & chips again, I shall jump off the building.”
Next day, the Australian opens his lunch box, “The same thing again,” he then jumps off the building and dies. The German & Kiwi upon finding the same stuff in their lunch boxes, jump off too and die.
At the funeral, the wife of the Australian said, “If I knew, he doesn’t like hamburgers, I would have cooked something else. The German wife too said, “If I knew he doesn’t like eintopf & pickle, I would have prepared something else.” Everyone then looked at the Kiwi wife.

She said, “Don’t look at me, he cooked his own lunch.”


“Do you believe in life after death?” the boss asked one of his employees.

“Yes, sir” the employee answered. “But why the question?”
“Because, after you left office early for your grandmother’s funeral, she stopped by to see you.”


Doctor: “How did your teeth break?”
Patient: “Because my wife had prepared very hard bread.”
Doctor: “You could have refused to eat.”
Patient: “That is exactly what I had done.”


A man stopped at his favorite watering hole after a hard day’s work to relax. He noticed a man next to him order a shot and a beer. The man drank the shot, chased it with the beer and then looked into his shirt pocket.

This continued several times before the man’s curiosity got the best of him. He leaned over to the guy and said, “Excuse me, I couldn’t help but notice your little ritual. Why in the world do you look into your shirt pocket every time you drink your shot & beer”?

The man replied, “There’s a picture of my wife in there, and when she starts lookin’ good, I’m headin’ home”!


Contributed by  

  1. M. Mathur

We welcome your comments at comments@theindiantelegraph.com.au 

The Indian Telegraph Sydney Australia

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