By -Rekha Rajvanshi
Over the past three decades there has been a debate over IQ or EQ (emotional intelligence) are the determinant of success in life. Until 1990, IQ was considered as the primary determinant of success. People with high IQs were assumed to be successful and accomplished. But in 1996, author, researcher Daniel Goleman wrote a new book ‘Emotional Intelligence’ and said that EQ plays an important role in how people succeed in life.
Lets understand these two terms first-
What is IQ?
An intelligence quotient (IQ) is a score are achieved from one of several standardized tests designed to assess intelligence. IQ is still recognized as an important element of success, particularly when it comes to academic achievement. Research has revealed that people with high IQs do well in school, often earn more money, and tend to be healthier in general.
What is EQ?
EQ, (emotional intelligence) refers to a person’s ability to perceive, control, evaluate, and express emotions. Research shows that people with strong leadership qualities tend to be more emotionally intelligent. It helps us communicate with others, negotiate situations and develop clear thought patterns.
In today’s world having good emotional intelligence is the indicator of how a person performs at work and in life. Parents should consider teaching kids how to develop social skills to their kids through self-realization and self-regulation.
How to nurture Emotional intelligence of your child?
As parents we can teach our children appropriate social-emotional behavior and give them skills to deal with their negative emotions in a socially acceptable and matured manner. Parents are the first role models to their children. It is important for the parents to set a good example by interacting and reacting to others in a positive manner. Here are some tips for parents-
- Help your children recognize their own feelings. Ask them to describe how they are feeling and tell them the term ‘so you are said or angry or…’ etc.
- Allow them to express their feelings verbally, in writing or by drawing a picture. Don’t disapprove; listen to what they say. Disapproval will repress their feelings and they will get angry, disappointed or sad.
- Talk about your own emotions with your children. Tell them how you are feeling and allow them to perceive it for themselves.
- Empathize with your children. Children develop empathy by experiencing it from others. Empathy doesn’t mean we agree with everything they do or say, it means listening to them.
- Listen to your children and give them a chance to say how they feel. Feeling understood triggers soothing bio-chemicals, which helps in healing.
- Teach your kids problem solving skills. Teach them to breathe through their emotions, feel and tolerate these emotions and finally solve their problems through brainstorming solutions.
- When you see your children sad, angry, depressed or frustrated, and they don’t know how to handle these emotions, play it out. Play with them, laugh with them as laughter releases stress hormones.
- Allow them to recognize the different moods of the family members in your house and see how their own emotions impact things in the house.
- Prompt your children when they need to show empathy and model it. For example, ‘your grandma is not well; I am going to visit her. Would you like to come with me?’
- Praise your children when they show signs of emotional intelligence by saying ‘I like the way you have expressed your feelings to me, let’s think of what we can do.’
According to emotional intelligence expert Harvey Deutschendorf, there is a great deal of research that shows emotional intelligence helps in all areas of life and, like any skill, it can be taught to children. He says. “It is much easier to teach this to children early, so that they grow up to be healthy, well-functioning adults.”
So parents, teach your children academics, give them extra tuition to learn Math, Science and other subjects but make sure that children don’t miss out on developing their emotional intelligence.
(Rekha Rajvanshi has a Masters of Psychology and Master’s of Philosophy in Education. She also studied Special Education at Macquarie University and works as a learning and Support teacher. She supports students with disabilities on a regular basis. This month, Rekha is sharing information on how to develop your child’s emotional intelligence)